we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
