haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
