gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
