checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
