at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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