guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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