I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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