he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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