Define "chronic" masturbator.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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