walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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