remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
