i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
