Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
