I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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