she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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