So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
