just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
