do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
