first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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