goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
