bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
