It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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