i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
