You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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