I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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