She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
