I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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