Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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