I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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