i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
