I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize