omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
