i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
