So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
