i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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