She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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