I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize