"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
