I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
