come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
