i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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