Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
