Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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