I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
