So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
