Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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