you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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