i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
