If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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