I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
