Can i not drive my cunt home
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
