Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
