we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
