i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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