my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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