Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
