Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
