and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
