nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
