$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
