what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
