I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
