You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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