my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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