i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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