woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Enjoy the penises
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
