i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
