I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
oh god the rape fog is back!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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