I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
