He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize